The inner workings of a genious

Life....

Mon, 29 Jun 2009 16:06:37 GMT

Haven't posted on here in a really long time.
Been to down and out to really write about it. But, I am not going to go into detail because I am sick of talking about it and thinking about it. And it is time to move on and try and live this life to the best my ability. Dana and I are no longer together it's been about a month and a half, and has been one of the toughest t hings I have had to deal with. She was my first love, and she broke me heart, and now I am trying to pick up all the peices and put them back together again. Thats not possible because there will always be a hole there.

But I have been trying to do things that make me happy.
I have been running about four times a week. And eating healthy drinking water.
Reading my vampire books.
Singing to myself like a loon.

Trying to figure out where to move, or if we should stay where we are. Nate and I.
I am not sure about alot of things in life. But I am trying to make it better.

Time of your life...

Fri, 30 Jan 2009 18:46:42 GMT

Things are well okay I guess. I still have a job... a really shitty one but still a job which is alot more then a lot of people can say at the moment. I just want to know if things will ever get better and not continue to spiral down into oblivion and darkness. I long for the better days...

Nostalgia.

I miss having friends and doing things. I miss college, the good, the bad and the ugly. I actually wish that I were studying and writing papers.

I feel like I have no friends, no connection to anything...
Am I the only one?

I have made new friends.... but nothing really close and I seem to keep losing the one I used to have. I guess I am just one of those people that can never keep friends.

Yeah I have dana and family.
Not the same as a group of friends together. I have been thinking a lot about the Wales trip and what a time and experience that was and if I will ever be able to do anything like that again.

Right now I am just struggling to pay bills and college loans back... and now on top of that 14,000 dollars in medical bills for one damned appendix.

I want to move into a cave! It's Hermit time... live off the land be away from the world and it's problems. So who's with me?

WOOT

Wed, 31 Dec 2008 23:43:54 GMT

HOLY CRAP!
HAPPY MOTHA EFFIN NEW YEAR!
Here's to you heres to me the best of friends we'll always be, if one of us should dissagree FUCK YOU heres to me!

SNOW

Sun, 21 Dec 2008 03:01:49 GMT

Dear Snow,
Please stop because you are ruining my life. I have to work at 6:45 am tomorrow and if you continue your ways I will lose out on another days pay.... and by the way I need the money!
SO REALLY STOP NOW..... beacuse you really are starting to piss me off.

Thank you,
Chelsea

AHHAHHAHAHAHAHA

Sat, 20 Dec 2008 14:56:17 GMT

THERE IS A MILLION FEET...
OF SNOW OUT THERE...
BRRR

WOOT

Thu, 18 Dec 2008 21:17:34 GMT

Well, had to go to the doctors today for my check up... was there all of five minutes and was dubbed "healthy"... Aww, damn it, now I really have to go back to work... ahaha. I kinda wanna cry. In a sort of masochistic way it was nice having that week off... well minus the pain really, I got to read some and sleep a ton and have some meds. But alas no more... I shall have to play healthy yet again... ruin all my non-fun.

So last night I had a really strange set of dreams that just kind flowed into each other...

FIRST PART: I was a contestent on a Jeopardy like show, Alex Trebec was there but it was played weirdly and we got calculators for math problems LE STRANGE.

SECOND PART: It melted into me being at this choir function it was a concert in the same place that I was a Jeopardy conestant. It had people from college choir mixed with random people from my life experiences... LE STRANGE also..

THIRD PART: A sort of GMC like school I was attending and I was with this guy... he happend to be on the guys I totally crushed on in high school.. named John, damn sexy, well I was with him and he was trying to put these coverings over his teeth that would make his teeth look like crocodile skin LE STRANGE.... so I was helping him with that and then well needless to say it lead to making out with him and SUCH.... good part of the dream oddly.

FOURTH PART: I was at a therapy session with Max steinmetz, Amanda Fernades and my friend Steph from high school and it was being run by the guy who plays DR. Sweets on the tv show BONES (which I love) and we ended up at a grocery store trying to solve our problems and then we ended up on tubes in a pool floating around.... LE STRANGE!

I REALLy wish that I knew dream interpretation..... I am trying to figure out how all of this goes together and makes sense and it doesn't..... ANYONE have a CLUE? IDK!

Well, I am not Dead Yet..

Thu, 11 Dec 2008 22:16:13 GMT

Well had ye ole appendix out in sunday... worst pain ever... I highly recomend not having it happen to you ok??
Well recovering well I guess with the help of groovy meds...

Well not so groovy cuz they can make you dizzy and sleep.... but at least little to no pain...
I go back to work Monday... that should be interesting. Lets hope that Sears doen't try and kill me.... but I won't ho;d my breat or anything... haha

Well, it's freezing in my apt b/c there is no oil..... and damn the owners..... jack the guy who has to deal with this shit promises heat soon...

so I am wondering what else is going to happen....

Well off to eat some soup take some pain meds and probably fade into nothing.....

ps yesterday I thought someone was in my house and I crippled out of bed grabbed dana's driver and insected the house... no one... I think that the meds are going to my head..

ps I really wanna break out in random dance b/c of the music..... ahhhhh i kinda hate life right now....

Still sick and very BORED

Sat, 06 Dec 2008 22:03:57 GMT

Well stayed home yesterday b/c I was sick... went to work but was sent home by my boss. Holy crap, shock and death. She was like hey you don't look so good if you want you can leave at 2 when a million people come in and I was like okay who are you and what did you do with the real joan.

So I came home and Dana went to work... I tried to sleep but could not....
So now I am home and all alone until 11ish because Dana doesn't get out of work until then so I am now farting around online... and I am totally bored out of my SKULL.

And I am kinda hungry but probably shouldn't eat.... sickness may come back.... GRRR

Although I may be forced to go see Twilight for the third time only by myself.... what a loser I am.

And ps I may have a HUGE crush on Robert Pattinson.... he plays Edward in the movie and might I add that he is one sexy vampire...well vampires are just plain sexy but well so is HE....haha don't tell Dana though... i think she already wants to get gold contacts and some sexy teeth... ahha. She is such a boy... but with BIG BOOBIES.

On a totally awsome note... I have been so busy that I didn't even realize what day it is and that on the fourth The Tales of Beedle the Bard came out so I totally bought that today...
so I will probably end up reading that..... in like an hour though since I am a the speediest speed reader EVER....

BARF

Fri, 05 Dec 2008 21:18:12 GMT

Euww man the worst ever is vomitting. I hate it.
Called out of work today because I am sick and was puking last night and dry heaving this morning.... gross I know. But at least you weren't doing it.

Know what else sucks? Having to pay rent thats the worst but at least my check is for alot more then I thought it was going to be 100 dollars more actually... WOOT.

Also, it is now snowing. Who said that it could do that? NOT ME.

BOOO...
Well I guess that is all for now!

If I were a flower and you were a tree....

Tue, 02 Dec 2008 19:26:35 GMT

Woowzers,
Well going to decorate the ole tree today... not to worry it is indeed a fake one thats shall last forever.... well which is worse cutting down trees or what? I don't know. Anyways not to sure what else to write... Going to eat homemade chicken noodle soup and watch some movies too... so should be a great day off even if dana is a butthead hahahah.

GOOD GOD

Mon, 01 Dec 2008 19:48:55 GMT

Well hoy crap it's been about what a years a a half since I have actually posted on here and I say thats a VERY long time. Not even sure if anyone I know still even uses this but hell I AM BACK haha

HAHA

Wed, 11 Jul 2007 16:01:15 GMT

Why hello internet journal peoples I have most exciting news!

MY SPRINGFIELD WON. MY HOME TOWN! WOOT!
I called the chamber of commerce and got on the list for tickets what ever that means..... But it sucks b/c it is being held at the theater in Springfield which is the smallest ever! DOH! WATCH OUT SIMPSONS HERE I COME!

In other news I have been thinking a lot about the past and the future...

This year was my five year reunion and they didn't even have one which I think is hilarious.... to say the least. Not that I was going to go.... but it all makes me feel so old. And not that I am friends with any of them except LIZ that is. I made me really realize you can never go back things never, ever will be the same.

People really change.....
It's like for the past month or so I had someone crashing at my house... not that it's a bad thing it was awesome seeing everyone. My sister came and stayed for four days from Chicago haven't seen her in a year... and now she is preggers. Then Bexx and Em came and stayed for about a week.... it was random fun. I just wish I didn't work so much so that we could have just hung out and talked. Things seemed strained and different. And it got me wondering do people change that much? I don't know maybe I am crazy. Then Dana's dad was here for two days I still say that, that man hates me.No matter what Dana tells me. Then my pubescent little bro was here for a week he's a riot... and then Dana's mom came up for a few days .... what a crazy lady.

I don't know..... I am tired....
Anyone else need an air mattress to sleep on? I certainly have one.....
haha.
Well anyways enough blabbering for one day.

I firmly belive that the world is coming to an end.......

Fri, 29 Jun 2007 16:39:02 GMT

In a flaming ball of fire....

Why you ask?

Oh I shall oh so gladly explain to you all....

Well, first off I am now going to be an aunt, my 19 year old sister just announced to my mother aka the whole world that she is in the family way. And my mom refuses to be called grandma. So I am all WTF. Holy crap she is so young.... I don't know what to say or think. I am all blah, I feel like I should be happy, but, I am not.

and then all of the crap going on in the world....
Like for example the UK just removed from their school curriculum the holocaust because it offends Muslims. Okay, I believe everyone has the right to believe what they do....... but this is enough. I am so sick and tired of people denying that it ever happened......... it did and we need to remember and teach our history no matter how painful, shameful, or offensive. This is so fucked up.

In better news my lil bro is here hanging out for a week.
And I got the fourth of and my family is going to BOSTON to see the fireworks woot.

Dana and I seem very popular as of late.... people coming and staying here galore. Well there was bexx and her lady Em, and then Dana's dad and then my little bro, and then next week Dana's mom.... haha. BUSY.

Other then summer is okay went to Canada for the first time, went swimming a few times, going to Boston for the fourth hopefully more......

IDK.
Life is very strange sometimes.....

Dear....

Wed, 14 Feb 2007 23:26:08 GMT

Stolen from everyone well.... dee,and jackieblue, and sexy pants julie.

Dear Snow,
Go the FUCK away because I hate you. You suck, you ruin my life. I am now stuck inside with nothing to do and I am already getting cabin fever. And people are pissing me off.

Dear Uterus,
Please go DIE.I hate you too. Poetic isn't it that I start bleeding on this day? The pain and agony.

Dear Valentines Day. You are a made up "holiday" of "LOVE". You are just a reason for capitalist america to make money. An excuse for card, candy and flower butchers to "celebrate" the enlargement of their pockets. and no I am not bitter, I have someone to love and be my valentine if I so choose. But I do not. I think you should love everyone 365 days a year, tell people every day in small ways they are important to you and that you love them with out all the crap. So I will "celebrate" by protesting you and watching some love horror films in your honor!

Dear Cold in my head,
Please flipping go away, I hate you. You are going to make me vomit with all of the snotty, mucus build up. You know my loathing for you. DIE!

Dear roomates,
Leave me alone for once. Stop asking if I am OK. OK? No I do NOT want to hang out with you. You're annoying leave me alone. I don't need an update on the weather every 5 minutes GOD. your not a weather man, so stop trying to be, and no I don't want to see any more pictures of it anymore... it's snow, alot of it get over it. GEEZ.

Dear someone out there in journal land,
PLEASE SAVE ME. Want to get out of here and hang out and have a few drinks or something!

Thanks,
Chelsea

AHHHH

Mon, 07 Aug 2006 16:42:20 GMT

OMG BEXX you are now legal in the US... now all you have to do is get your arse over the pond so we can drink together in non-sketchy ways lol.

I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU.
Wish I were with you celebrating.

haha.

I am an old lady now.....

I am getting old....

Tue, 01 Aug 2006 14:50:24 GMT

nothing to say.
Work sucks.... blah... growing up sucks. I am thinking about going back to regular college before grad school, it would be for teaching. That means I could get my GPA up and then I could get a REAL job when I am done.

What do you think?
I could go back to GMC or got to Castleton or St Joes... anny ideas?

Birthday count down....
6DAYS...

woot yeah for me and my british bithday twin....

hawt.

Sat, 29 Jul 2006 03:33:46 GMT

Poop.

Bexx, I miss your hawt ass. Sorry about Em's grandad. Feel better.
OH and HAPPY ALMOST B_DAY.
umm new adress is p.o. Box 383 Bomoseen, Vt 05732 USA

and you need to send me your info too mister. Sorry that we haven't talked. But Dana and I lurve you soo mush. hehe. Miss your crazy pants like wow.

ok bed time.
Good night all.
Good night moon...... good book....

Thu, 22 Jun 2006 17:42:41 GMT

I really don't have much to say anymore.... my life is manotonous...
I graduated..... whoopie.... right and now I am working my ass off at Dicks.... yeah go ahead and laugh... it's a job for now...

But other then these two things nothing hads really been going on...

Dana and I are fine. Life is ok.
Although my sister did graduate high school by the skin of her teeth and moved to flipping chicago with her boyfriend who is apparently worth 2.3 million dollars.... lucky bitch. While I am here at Castleton.... poor.
Thats shit.

Oh and another interesting tid bit for you. My family may top all in the dysfunction factor.... last sat was erickas graduation... first thing in the morning my brother comes over and starts shit and a huge fight with ericka.... then my mom yells at her boyfriend chris for lying to her about drugs mainly pot.... b/c get this ericks and chris stole like a pound of pot from this guy and sold it all making a nice penny.... and chris told my mom he is against drugs... so another fight ensues.... this is the big one though my sperm donor aka clayton the man who gave some sperm to birth me and ericka and nate came to the graduation and party... you may be asking yourself why this is bad... well we have ony seen him twice since we were young.. I was probably 4 or 5 when they divored and so he shows up with his new family and my little sister ariel that was fucked up... I ignored him the whole time and he tried to talk to me and I almost started a fight....I fucking just wanted to punch him in the face.... nice huh? Then nate and his girlfriend were fighting and so were ericka and chris and dana was pissing me off. And then my step dad was almost crying b/c he thought that we were going to forget him and runn off to fuckface......
So needless to say it was a fucked up time...
family really sucks sometimes...
the only good part was I got some money out of it...

so now I am just sitting here... should be doing something constructive right?
Nope sitting here until I have to go to work yet again.
Fuck.

SHIT... I don't know what to doo........

Mon, 12 Jun 2006 05:18:47 GMT

I think some people are right.... sometimes love just ain't enough....

good bye GMC hello..... who the fuck knows...

Mon, 15 May 2006 16:45:00 GMT

I graduated and now I have to find a job......
BLAH.

DONE!

Mon, 08 May 2006 20:59:23 GMT

Holy shit...
I really don't know what to do with myself I just finished my last final ever here at Green Mountain College at least. I am done so I guess I graduate this Saturday and I walk into the future. To the unknown and that is a bit scarey.
I am sitting here right now not knowing what to do with myself.

I still need to find a job. At least a job for now nothign special until I am actually able to look for something good and that will pay well.

The future....

My plans for are to work and hopefully in a year get into a grad school for education so I can some day teach high school or maybe even college.

I am going to move in with Dana and I hope that goes well. I mean we basically live together now... but it will definatly be different having to pay bills all on my own and stuff. And have to share all of that with Dana too. Weird. But good. I am looking forward to that future with her.

But I also keep thinking about the past too and what could have been oppertunities I have missed out on, things I regret doing and saying.
I wish I was more everything.
That I had done more.
And I keep thinking on the OLD days....
memories of the past four years here, good and bad.
I smile and want to cry at the same time.
I kinda am numb right now.
what to do.

I am going to miss this place, and the love hate relationship.
Most of all I am going to miss the people I have lived with, befriended and loved for these years.
It all flew by.
Where did the time go?

I wonder what people are going to regret and miss.
Did I leave my impression on GMC. Will anyone rememeber me? Think of me? Did I make my mark?

I wanna be remembered is that sad?

Well Julie and Mirnada have senior stuff tonight. I guess I am going to them and then having a beer or something.

DONE GUYS! DONE, DONE, DONE.

Not so mad at the world....

Tue, 11 Apr 2006 14:13:36 GMT

So I am trying to get things done. and not fail and be the loser I think I am. Woot for that right?
Well sort of I guess.
I am still wicked stressed.

Supposed to do some talent show with Will tonight.... we'll see.
I think I am supposed to do something else....
Oh yeah dinner and show at dana's.

I may have a job..... crystal might be a store mananger at a Sabbaros in Dartmoth and I might be here assitant manager if thats ok with the people making decent money.... we'll see. But it would be a job right after I graduate.

Birthdays galore this week.... Liz's birthday yesterday, Julies tomorrow, and felipe on Friday.... if he and I ever talk.... who knows, we'll see about that too.

Grrr... well I am going to go and do some work... so I can go out and play tonight and tomorrow... hehe.
later all.
That is all.

FUCK THIS I AM DONE.

Sun, 09 Apr 2006 05:30:41 GMT

I am done.
Done with school.
I wanna quit.
I wanna drop it all and leave and do something. something of meaning, not this shit here. I HATE THIS PLACE AND THE PEOPLE. I hate the DRAMA. and the FUCKING DRAMA QUEENS,and attention whores. I have come to the realization that life is short, it could be taken away in a moment, and I don't want those moments to be here. I want to die having done something......

I came to the realization tonight I have no friends here.
NONE.
all i have is people who secretly hate and loath me and choose to show that through drunkin moments, when I infact am not drunk.

I just want to cry and my heart is breaking.
I am done with this school, done with the people, done with you all.

here you to you, heres to me, the best of friends we'll always be, if infact it will never be FUCK YOU. Heres to me.

I need sleep.
And people who care, not this place and you people.
FUCK IT. I AM DONE.
That is all.

Terrified.

Mon, 03 Apr 2006 17:46:30 GMT

I am so worried that I am not going to be able to graduate,I think i may fail

You know that is my biggest fear in life.... IS FAILING.
ending up all I never said I would, trying not to be like the rest of my family except my mom who hasn't failed. Thinking about all the people I know from my home town who are failures. In jail, on drugs, losers, in loser jobs that are going to get them nowhere. I don't want to be the the one who went to college only to fail in my last semester.

I am really scared.
I don't want to have to grow up and go into the real world, yet at the same time I want to leave this place start anew and do something. something to better this world. maybe I am dilusional. Man I can't even spell.
That song is right. Growing up is hard to do.
I don't know if I will survive it.

Dear Friends.......

Thu, 23 Mar 2006 20:22:54 GMT

battered, bruised, hurt and tired.
I want to be done.
I need to be done.
someone shoot me please.
I am a slacker.
And going to fail the one class I need.
Why do we have to take delicate balance?
Someone shoot the person who thought that shit up PLEASE.
*cough*
ouch.
yup getting sick.
AHHHHH.